A little over a week ago, I had made up my mind that I was going to end this blog. My life has indeed become extremely busy, and complicated. I had fallen behind in many aspects of my life, and just could not take the stress anymore. I was having trouble keeping up with the demands of training young men to run a Boy Scout troop, trying to maintain my grades in college, keep my broken down heap of a truck running, and finding a way to pay for it all. I thought I had to do everything myself, and tried to be everything to everyone. I thought I had to cut things out of my life, to be able to live my life. But then a friend read my farewell post. He came to me shocked that I could give up something that I had been so passionate about for so many years. I told him that I just couldn’t do it anymore. He asked me what could possibly bring me to that point. I told him, everything. He said he thought I made a good choice and left it at that. I took that as a sign that my blogging days where done.
Well this past weekend, I was forced to rethink everything. I had reserved a campsite, under the impression that 10 boys where going camping. The Monday before we were going to go, only four raised their hands, the four that did included one first class scout, and three scouts whom this would be their first winter camping experience. They all really wanted to go, so I agreed not to cancel it. I was furious that I had not heard anything from the older boys, that the older scouts could not even be bothered to show up the meeting before we went camping. Let alone bother to go and lead the young scouts in the wilderness. I felt as though I had failed these new scouts. I had failed to properly train the youth leaders, that I had failed to find the spark necessary to keep the older boys active. But Friday, before we left the church, I was amazed to see that the younger boys had roped in two more scouts to go along. Still none of the older scouts where there, but they had found 2 more boys eager to learn what nature had to offer them. Then Saturday morning, I awoke to find that two more scouts had arrived at camp in the early hours of the morning. They had something to do Friday night and didn’t think that their parents would drive them up to the campsite. They didn’t have my number, and had no way of letting me know that they were able to make it. One of these two boys was the troop quartermaster, and jumped straight in to leading the troop.
I asked the older boy, why he had decided to come, and he told me that he heard how disappointed I was in the youth leadership and he was determined to show me I was wrong. That the older boys in the troop did care. I was pleasantly stunned, and never happier to be proven wrong.
Then yesterday, I got a call from a friend, whose wedding I was supposed to be in, but thanks to recent financial issues, I thought I would be unable to attend his bachelor party in DC. He called to tell me that he worked out the price issue with his grooms men, and they had found a way for me to go. I turned him down, I couldn’t accept that. He told me that I was being foolish and letting my pride get in the way. He told me it was his way of returning the generosity I had shown him after his brother died. It was a way to show his gratitude for me towing his truck home when it crapped out one night, and then spending the next day trying to fix it, only to find out that he had simply run it out of gas. It was his way of thanking me for teaching him how to take care of a car.
Today my father told me that he has been talking to my grandfather again. That he realized that his behavior at Christmas was less then acceptable. He actually opened up and told my Grandfather that, he was not made at him, but that he just has a hard time being around his sister who has caused him so much pain over the years. Is that perfect, no but it is a start. Did I have anything to do with it, I don’t know. I would like to think that I helped him realize his mistakes, but at the same time I do not care, so long as the family begins to heal.
I just finished taking an econ test and aced it. Without the stress of worrying about my family collapsing, or letting my friends down, I was able to once again think with a clear head. It would appear as though I had forgotten to take my own advice. I had forgotten that I cannot expect things to get better unless I do something about it, but that does not mean that I have to do so alone. No one person is capable of facing every storm on their own, but that is what our family and friends are for. They are there to help pick us up when we are down. They are the ones that give us a something to fight for. They are the ones who are there to guide us through the darkest depths of our self made hells.
I had lost faith in many things in the last couple of months, mostly myself. But in the simple phone call from a friend, the selfless act of my Boy Scouts, the re-uniting of father and son, have re-kindled the fire of truth and knowledge within me. Knowledge that the most important thing a man can do in life is help his fellow man, knowledge that truth is the only avenue for happiness in life. That I cannot succumb to the clutches of despair. I cannot allow my pride to become arrogance. I was writing my own pitty story, letting the troubles of life rule me, rather than letting faith and perseverance rule my troubles.
I am back, but while I have decided not to end this blog, or my fight against the evils of the progressive movement, I am not going to be posting as often as I once did. My life still requires tending to, but have no worries, I will not give up the fight. Thank you for the kind words from all of the Xanga followers. Your comments keep me going, and your compassion has helped to bring me back.