# Progressive Math

As we all know, progressives do not use the same mathematical principles that the rest of us in the civilized world follow. I will give you a demonstration,

Normal people math:

160-8= 152

Progressive math:

160-8= hell fire and damnation raining from the sky. The earth’s crust opens up, and devours the souls of young children. The red wood forests burst into flames, and the great lakes drain.  The rocky mountains crumble and the great plains turn to dust. All the while republicans bath in baby sheep blood, smoke cigars made of hundred dollar bills, and wear robes made of baby polar bear fur.

Like I said, math works differently. There are several big things to remember when solving a progressive math problems. The first is that the number included in the answer doesn’t have to be related anything. then there is the fact that the math should always make the oppositions idea look very very scary.  The most important thing to remember is that the answer always  comes back to republicans, or conservatives hate babies.  If you understand that, you can solve any and all math problems that a progressive posses to you.

So here is a real world example for you. Everyone’s favorite radical socialist, Mrs. Maxine Waters, used some progressive math to bring us the dire news of the upcoming sequester. Mrs. Waters said, “If sequestration takes place, that’s going to be a great setback. We don’t need to be having something like sequestration that’s going to cause these job losses — over 170 million jobs that could be lost” That sounds scary, so it meets the second law of progressive math. Progressives are trying to make it sound like republicans alone created the sequester, so it meets the third rule of progressive math.  But what about the first… is this number based on anything other than commydust and pig farts?

Mrs. Waters is claiming that if the government reduces the increase in spending by 85 billion, not cut 85 billion from the existing budget, but just not spending 85 billion more dollars will result in the loss of over 170 million jobs. So 170,000,000 jobs.

The Bureau of Labor and Statics says that 134,000,000 people are working in this country.

So math time.

134,000,000 – 170,000,000 = -36,000,000

So according to Maxine Waters if the sequester goes through, if the growth of spending is reduced by a measly 85 billion dollars, 36 million out of work people are going to be out of work twice. Does that mean that they get to draw two unemployment checks?

So the number that she spat out is not based on anything kind of, in a way, with your eyes squinted resembling a fact.  So yes here we have another perfect example of progressive math.

It must be easy being a progressive none of your equations have to make any sense.

1+1= 85 bunnies eaten alive by republicans.